29 August 2017

Things That Annoy Me As A New Mom

So I am only 8 weeks into this journey of motherhood and already there are questions or things that annoy me when I encounter them!

I thought I would share these musings with you! Please let me know anything that annoyed you!

1. 'Is she good?'

Now I suppose people really mean does she cry a lot and the answer to that is yes, because she is a baby and the only way to let me know she needs something or wants something is to cry, but does that mean she is a bad baby? No! I really dislike this one because Aurora could be screaming the house down every day and she would still be a good baby!
The other way to look at is people are asking is she an easy baby? well my answer to that would be no new baby is easy - there is a lot to get used to - lots of cries, lots of sleepless nights and all the other fun stuff like baby sick and poo explosions that come with new babies, and guess what none of those things are easy!

2. 'Does she sleep through the night?'

This one *rolls eyes* this is a stupid question that no one should get to ask parents of new born babies. I have been asked this question since about three weeks of age when we started to venture out to visit people. Have you ever known a newborn to sleep through the night when on average they need feeding every 2/3 hours? No me neither. My baby is not some miracle baby. She does not have the schedule or sleep pattern of an adult.
Just ask if we are used to functioning like zombies yet - the answer will probably be yes (we somehow just manage to cope with our permanent tiredness - it is our new normal)

3. Formula or Breastmilk

Right I'm not opposed to talking about breastfeeding with strangers - I love that I breastfeed my baby but judgement based on either choice is not welcome! My most recent encounter was a stranger at a party came up to me without any introduction and said 'I hope you are breastfeeding it is the best way' I politely told her I was, but to be honest I felt a little shocked - if she did that to anyone formula feeding I am sure they would have been really upset. How I choose to feed my baby is up to me - we can have polite conversations about it but no judgemental comments.

4. Not talking to me while I breastfeed.

Now this one might just be me, but if I am out in public and I need to feed Aurora I try to be as discreet as possible, breastfeeding comes with a bit of stigma when you do it in public so the stares make me feel self conscious enough without someone going to start a conversation, stopping, saying 'oh sorry' and leaving. I can still talk to you, and nothing makes the act of breastfeeding feel more normal then someone having a conversation with me while I do it. Please don't ignore me, I am still worth talking to even with a baby hanging off me!!!

5. Public transport and pushchairs.

Now I do not drive (many people tell me how stupid I am for this now I have a baby but the fact is I hate driving and I am also not very good at it - even if I had passed my test I doubt I would ever feel confident enough to drive around with my baby in the car) so I have to use the bus if I want to get anywhere that is not in walking distance. The buses by me have space for two prams or one pram and one wheelchair user. When there is a wheelchair user or pram in the one designated space and in the other someone has folded down the chairs and is sitting in the space - but then refuses to move when another pram comes onboard - this infuriates me - I was faced with this a few weeks back on my way to a clinic session. There was space for me to stand with my pram had the couple using the drop down seats moved. However they didn't. I asked if they could as it would be hard to have two prams in one space and they said no they didn't want to move. So here I am stood with another mother trying to manoeuvre both our pushchairs into the small space - which left us both unable to stand next to our babies and soothe them should they start to cry. Now if there was a genuine reason they needed the seats that would be fine I understand not every illness is visible and they may need to sit down for journeys (this couple could have moved seats as there was some spare) please just explain if it is a case of you can't move but otherwise people leave the spaces free - it's hard enough getting around with a great big pushchair without having to squeeze our way onto a bus only to find we can't put the pushchair anywhere!

6. Sleep when the baby sleeps.

This always sounds like good advice for new moms. My health visitor said it my family said it my own boyfriend said it. But do you know how impossible it is to do this?! Aurora loves nothing more then to sleep tucked up on my stomach or on my chest using my boobs as a pillow (I don't blame her on that one they are pretty big and I imagine very comfy for her) but this leaves me unable to sleep because what if she falls off me! My other big fear is because I am SO tired I will fall into a deep sleep and not hear her should she stir or wake up. So our current routine is just going to bed at the same time and either co-sleeping or I sleep sitting up so I never get into a deep sleep and I wake easily when she wakes. Now she is 8 weeks old sometimes dad says 'I will watch her while she sleeps  you go rest a bit' but she instantly knows when I leave a room because she cries as I get halfway up the stairs. I suppose I could try and sleep on the sofa but it usually has so much baby stuff on it I can't do that either. So I just walk around in the new mom zombie mode and make do with whatever little micro sleep I can get in.

7. When are you getting married?

This one doesn't apply to everyone but, Aurora was an unplanned child, but just because we now have a baby together and we are buying a house together, it doesn't mean we should get married. Now this question has been asked of us for a while but even more so since having Aurora. We still maintain that we do not need to get married a piece of paper doesn't prove our love - and all our worldly possessions and intents for unexpected death are clearly detailed within our wills should anything happen to either of us. Please stop telling us we need to get married. 

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